My New Letter Series – Dear Pakistani People, Israel Exists, Whether You Like It Or Not

Dear Pakistani people,

But they are really unhappy!! Don’t get orgasmic (is that word? Who cares, I live in the USA where we speak English the way we want to) just yet before you find out why!! Your country and Bangladesh (the first reaction should not be, but is definitely WHO?) are the only countries that haven’t recognized Israel, and that bothers them! Now, you can get orgasmic!! Anyways, I am sure Ben Netanyahu is feeling like a total failure! Two of the most illustrious countries with economic clout have not recognized them! Who wouldn’t feel like a failure? That’s a rhetorical question, so don’t bother answering it! Oh, you don’t know what rhetorical means? Look it up on Google (no, it’s not mentioned in the holiest of holy books)!!! What!! Google was created by Jewish people!! No!!! Are you sure? Larry Page and Sergey Brin were Jewish!! The company is run by an Indian CEO?? Damn!! Kafirs are ruining your lives!!

Well, Israel should stop and think about the economic impact that your country’s not recognizing that country has on them and their country. Burning Kentucky Fried Chicken franchises within your country, boycotting Pepsi (by the way, KFC IS NOT owned by Jewish people, but that shouldn’t matter; YOU believe it is and THAT IS ALL THAT MATTERS) are all great moves! Shows the (lack of) general knowledge within your society!! Here is some advice (albeit unsolicited), You should now boycott the cell phones created by Martin Cooper, a Jew! What!! He wasn’t Jewish?! Are you sure? (Sorry, I am talking to myself!) Well, regardless, YOU believe it was, and that’s most important! The truth has never really mattered, and it sure shouldn’t matter now!!

Now, getting back to what all you should boycott, the cardiac defibrillator should be the first one (you are smart! You should know that it is used to save lives when someone’s heart stops beating)! After all, like that GREAT philosopher (from your country), Javed Miandad said, “life and death are in YOUR ALLAH’s hands! Why try to make HIM look bad by reviving someone’s heart!! HE will make sure you don’t get the 72 virgins if you do that!!

Now, you should also boycott the camera phones, or is it the other way around! Aah, regardless, you should boycott them! I know, I know, you can’t take pictures of those white women and their behinds, dressed in scant bikinis, but that’s just a small sacrifice! I know, you have to go to Dubai, Turkey, and the West to do that, but they don’t grant you a visa! But those rubber dinkeys that you guys use to cross the seas (and the oceans) are good enough!! So what if the Greek Law Enforcement Agencies shot holes into those dinkeys and let the people drown!! They were Mujahid who will definitely get the 72!! Boycott those camera phones and you will also get 72!!

Let’s talk about the population (numbers)! India should learn from you on how to control population!! From 2021-22, your population has stayed stagnant at 250 million! Shows how responsible your male population is, being celibate when situations demand celibacy (not that it counts, but India’s population is 1.43 billion and NOT 1.5 billion, but it just counts!! Who knows whether these are actual numbers or government propaganda). So what if your population watches the most porn in the world! So what if all that porn has to do with animal porn!! On second thoughts, maybe the Indian population should not learn THIS from you, otherwise god help the cattle in India!!

Finally, let’s talk about education. No, I am not talking about MITJANA (Maulana Institute of Terror, Journalism And Nuclear Appliances), nor am I talking about PITJANA (Pakistan Institute of Terror, Journalism And Nuclear Appliances), although I don’t see any difference between the two! Oh! I see! MITJANA is run by the clergy, while PITJANA is run by the “world’s best secret service agency “! Just out of curiosity (I am sure you have answered this question before, but I am getting old and don’t remember things), where, and when, did this competition occur where your agency came out on top? Take your time and let me know! I am sure you have better things to do, like looking at your neighbors’ cattle! For what, you ask? I don’t know! Maybe you want to own cattle of your own! Why do you ask me to read your mind or your intentions? That’s between you and your god!

Anyways, all good things have to come to an end (likewise with bad things). Keep up the good work! You are gaining international recognition and respect (don’t worry about those that make fun of you. I know you don’t care, and that is THE BEST WAY TO HANDLE international criticism), and that’s all that counts!!

Note:
1. Text in Blue points to additional data on the topic.
2. The views expressed here are those of the author and do not necessarily represent or reflect the views of PGurus.

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