My New Letter Series – Dear Maulana Asim Munir, You Didn’t Say Anything Wrong!!

**Our respect and condolences to the Hindu families that lost a son/brother/husband/father in the cowardly attack in Pahalgam. Rest in eternal peace**

Dear Maulana Asim Munir,

Why are you getting blamed for saying that Hindus and Muslims are poles apart!! Your statement, in continuation, about the world-famous Two-Nation theory is absolutely spot on! The fact that Bangladesh was a byproduct of some “mismanagement from your side, and treachery from the Bangladeshi side” should NOT be mixed up. However, it should highlight India’s role in the creation of Bangladesh!!!

I keep telling the few “admirers” (read as haters) that send me “love mail” (read as haters. Critics would mean their intellect is mature enough to understand my words), that secularism is s defeatist ideology! Your country has chosen Theocracy (not in its entirety but selectively), and that is the best way to go! However, India should NEVER be allowed to become a theocratic country as that would mean the end of your community in India!! Too much English for you, Maulana? Let me put it in words you probably will understand: Hindu Rashtra should NOT happen as your community would get wiped out.

Now, I haven’t seen, nor heard, any Hindu walk around quoting the Geeta verses in common place conversations, nor have I heard anyone mention any verses from the Vedas when asked about other religions. This may be because we have so many Gods and Goddesses that people get confused, tired (of remembering the names), or both!! However, I haven’t heard Christians quoting verses from the Bible, either! That’s maybe because, as you claim, the Bible is a copy of your Holy Book, and Jesus was a creation of your Supreme Lord!! However, I have a question that you might be able to answer: Jesus came to this world about 700-800 years ahead of your time. The Bible was written about 400-500 years before the said person. How did the Bible become a copy of your Holy Book? Oh, you don’t believe the Bible was a copy of your holy book! Would it be the other way around? No need to get angry, Maulana!! Innocent question since I am not one of your community!!

Getting back to my opening statement (Hindus and Muslims are poles apart), you ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT! Hindus are divided into castes, so they can never be united. By the way, just another innocent question: your community, I hear from sources, is divided into 73-75 sects. That’s false? Oh, I stand corrected: that’s 72! Are those 72 completely united? Great, they are united! So, what is that “Shia Kafir” cry that people within your country scream? OH!!! That’s a creation of the US of A!!! I THOUGHT SO!! By the way, how did the US of A figure out the different sects!! Oh, my apologies, Maulana, they are not sects!! What!! You’re upset I keep calling you Maulana? What’s wrong with that? OH!! You’re not a Maulana (but will be shortly)!! You’re a Hafiz!! What’s the difference? A Hafiz knows the Holy Book verses, as Indians say, By Heart!! So, the Maulana doesn’t know it by heart? He does, too!! I am confused!! Please, don’t explain the difference, as I will get even more confused!!! Apologies for asking you!!! You want to be called General? WHY? OH! That’s your official title, that’s why?? Sure! Will do!!

Now, Maulana (oops, force of habit), the allegation is that your statement about Hindus and Muslims being different is the reason for the tensions between the two countries, which have led to 26 Indian Hindus being killed! Why did I highlight Hindus? Well, your people asked the victims (prior to killing them) about their religious affiliation! Ok, I agree with you! We will call them Kafirs! That brings up another question, Maulana (oops, General)! Since you don’t believe in my gods, I will call you a Kafir too!! Don’t get depressed, Maulana!! We are all Kafirs, as we don’t believe in certain gods (and goddesses)! What is a Goddess? A woman who is divine! No, I am not talking about divine looks, although all our goddesses look lovely! I am talking about being so powerful, they would leave MEN speechless!! Yeah, in my religion, men and women have nearly equal rights! I agree! Ridiculous religion!! Women can NEVER be as powerful as men! I wish Indra Nooyi knew about this! She would never have agreed to be the CEO of Pepsi, nor would Gita Gopinath have been the Director in charge of the IMF (specifically for your country’s “development “ loans).

Even though India did whip your country’s collective behind in all wars, I know your books do teach otherwise, the balance of power is still in your favor. No, I am serious!! India may have reached your capital city, they may have bombed your nuclear facilities, but they can NEVER DECIMATE the “Jazba”(passion) that exists within your people! Your people, rightly so, are celebrating the end of this edition of “India whips Pakistan’s collective behind” as a victory!

Now, it makes sense!! What makes sense, you ask? The fact that your people claim all wars ended in your country’s victory! If this is victory, we hope you have many more such victories!!

Note:
1. Text in Blue points to additional data on the topic.
2. The views expressed here are those of the author and do not necessarily represent or reflect the views of PGurus.

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